10 September 2008
Improving Communications between Us
Our natural behaviour and reaction to any circumstances are all very different due to our individual character makeup. This is based on the people that we have come into contact with in the past, starting with our family and friends and then going on to school and work colleagues
Apart from this, there are a lot of behavioural patterns that we are born with that can be like our parents or amazingly can be quite different. These differences can be very marked and can not only cause problems at home but in the outside world. The thing is that all of us tend to judge people from our own position rather than seeing them from their own perspective
This bit of insight is based on the excellent book by Wally Minto called Communication and Understanding in Relationships. In it he talks about the fact that we all behave and react at different parts of the Communication Spectrum. This also depends upon how we feel at any one time, how we are naturally and the different circumstances that we find ourselves
We all tend to judge others too readily and problems come with this judgement behaviour. It is really important to remember that if you can have a relationship without judgement, then you’ll have a relationship without problems
So we need to look at some of the different areas of the Spectrum, but first of all you need to remember that we are all at different points on the spectrum:-
- Touch – No Touch Spectrum. This it means that naturally some people are Touchers who like to hug and touch other people and I’m quite sure you can think of people like this. At the other end of the spectrum there are the No-Touchers, those people who need lots of personal space around them. In these cases you have trouble actually getting near them in fact they seem to walk backwards away from you. This can even happen in the same family between Spouses and also between Parents and Children. Unfortunately neither party really understands the very different natural behavioural characteristics of the other, despite being married or being offspring. This can obviously create some potentially difficult consequences. The suggestion therefore is to bear this in mind when you meet people and be aware of where they are coming from and behave accordingly…ie if you are a Toucher be careful..
- Talk – No Talk spectrum, which is a lot easy to see or rather hear. As we all know there are some people that just cannot stop talking and yet there are those who just never seem to say anything, they just don’t get started.. In meetings they never seem to stay really quiet and rely totally on the talkers to do the communicating. It is important therefore to understand that they are by nature non-talkers and to find out in what circumstances they will talk, so you are able to find out their ideas and get comments from them
- Pain/Thin Skinned– No Pain/Thick Skinned spectrum. This behaviour is not one that you can see but one feels and some people literally feel pain when they are in a particular situation. The best way of describing it visually is that those people who like to ski, especially down dangerous slopes are in the No Pain/Thick Skinned part of the spectrum and account for about 30% of the population. Often these people make good credit controllers because they are assertive by nature and feel no qualms in asking for payment from people. On the other end of the spectrum there are the Pain/Thin Skinned people who are softer in their approach to people and certainly don’t make good traffic wardens
- Changer-Imager/Starter – Non-Imager/Finisher spectrum and this is very much depends upon how we think and how our brains visualise objects. As you are probably aware we all see things differently..some see coloured objects, some see black and white, some see in one plane, some see in great depth and some see multiple images and there is very little you can do to change it. That’s how you see things and that’s it. The thing is that depending upon where you are on the spectrum your brain is either coming up constantly with different images of say a dog or house or car, whereas others will have just one image only. Obviously the former i.e someone who is a Changer-Imager will be a great creator of ideas, but don’t expect him or her to finish a project or be a storekeeper. The latter i.e a non Changer-Imager will probably not like change of any description and will not come up with any new ideas.
From just a few of these examples you can see the very different perspectives from where people are coming from and so when you are communicating with others, be they new or old acquaintances, please take them into consideration.
William Barron
Creating Insight
January 10 2000
24 September 2008
I used to have piles and piles of business cards on my desk until I purchased a Cardscan.. then suddenly they had all been porcessed and were in my database... amazing..
I need to tell you all about my latest gadget which is excellent for people like me who network a lot and have a challenge with typing in all the details from all the business cards we collect. I have invested £130 in the most amazing card scanner that is able to read all the various business cards designs out there and then split them into name, address, mobile, email, etc. and can then be exported into an excel spreadsheet or similar.
I loaded it up last night.Iit went like clockwork which is amazing to say the least. I then tentatively did my business card in about 4 seconds which went OK.
Then I did another and it went OK.. I though that this is too good to be true, all clear and very few miss-readings but easy to correct. The I did 20 straight off in just over a minute and only 2 corrections.
The amazingly I was able to export it into excel and it went light clockwork. I cannot recommend this amazing machine highly enough.. it is absolutely brilliant and I will now be able to use those hundreds of cards that I have had lying around for so long.
The machine is called Cardscan and I got it through the local agent who I met on a train to London http://www.cardscan.com/index.asp and I may be able to do a deal if there is anybody interested.
Since I purchased it there are apparently cheaper similar versions on the market but I have no idea how good they are.
©William Barron
Creating insight
September 24th 2008
william@creatinginsight.co.uk
06 September 2008
People who give a lot and tend to be soft on others are not always the best people to have at the sharp end of business....
One thing that I have noticed whilst coaching people, whether it be business coaching or career coaching is that in business and in life there is a spectrum of behaviour based on “Givers” at one end and “Takers” at the other. There are quite a number of ways that you can tell the difference and it is amazing how much clicks into place once you can sort out who are G’s and who are T’s. By the way most coaches, therapists and counsellors have a high amount of “G’s” in them and that is one of the reason why their prices are so low.
As you might expect nobody realises that they are “G’s” which means they are probably OverGiving or UnderTaking because they have been doing it all their lives and to them it is just them. The fact is that it is a habit that they have got into being a “G” over time. Initially when they were young they started giving to maybe stop bullying, stop being picked on, to get friends. They gave sweets, homework, bike rides, lent toys, made things, maybe even gave pocket money, almost anything to gain protection, acceptance, friendship and so started a giving process. Now all this is lost in the mists of time and today they don’t know they are doing it. Now as an adult it is part of their makeup, their behaviour, their traits and not necessarily getting them what they want or need out of life. Even so they keep on doing it, as habit is a very strong thing to change.
The interesting thing is that both “G’s” and “T” tend to have had some hard knocks in their lives and what makes a “G” rather than a “T” is their sensitivity and the work ethic that they learnt from their parents or the society that they grew up in – see two other articles of mine on Sensitivity http://www.coachinginsight.co.uk/content/view/404/56/ and http://www.coachinginsight.co.uk/content/view/386/56/ . The more the sensitive the individual is to others the more the possibility of them turning into a “G”. On the other side of the coin the less sensitive person to other people’s feelings or the harder the person will tend to go down the “T” route.
Sometimes a “T” is someone who was been given everything in exchange for love or affection by a parent who was missing or working or both and therefore the imprint of receiving or taking is imprinted on the person as a “right” whatever the situation. Thus although they were never bullied or deprived directly they were indirectly. This by the way is often where “passive aggressive” behaviour often starts.
“T’s” can be identified by having a tendency to throw their toys out of the pram, as in the past all they had to do to get what they wanted was throw a tantrum. Later on in life this “taking” is often described as “ego centred” as the individual becomes very concerned with getting what they can get for themselves. This behaviour in adult life is often found in those who have a high opinion of themselves, need large offices, large desk, big important car, expensive holidays, big house, pictures on the wall of being with well known people. The physical signs tend to be scowling, frowning eyebrows and lack of warmth and smiles. Those people with “crow’s feet” creases at the side of the eyes are rarely “T’s”
“Givers” at the other end of the spectrum have a tendency to have been brought up in an environment where something was missing. The missing could have been non-acceptance or rejection by peers, family or teachers of something that made them stand apart from everyone else. Thus the “Giving” strategy as a child is created from protecting oneself from being bullied due to size, not being good at sport, or some other difference like religion, skin colour or culture. It could also have been a heavy work ethic environment, where work was part of family life. This culminates in the individual creating a learnt coping strategy of needing to give – sweets, homework, toys, and information. This “Giver” behaviour will be become stronger and stronger as time moves on.
The challenge for “Givers” in life and business is that they give stuff away, which seems to attract “Takers” like iron filings to a magnet. This giving covers food, paying for drink, giving lifts, lending clothes, giving up personal time like volunteering on committees and putting oneself out as far as life is concerned. In business it involves giving away too much product for free, giving away lots of information sometimes even very valuable contacts that have taken a long time to gather, prices that are too low, salaries and bonuses that are too high for the work provided and too many perks like holidays for small changes in behaviour or small orders. The aspect of “Giving” can be disguised in business by many different behaviours but with all of them giving the individual some form of “gratification”. In this particular situation the “Giver” is hoping to be seen as “good” and it often ahs its roots in the past and could be seen as a sort of mild emotional hijack – see my blog on this subject to explain what I mean http://www.coachinginsight.co.uk/content/view/401/56/
Whatever the background of the individual, the trick is to maintain a satisfactory balance between giving and taking. Easier said than done I hear you say but “Level 5” people from the book “Good to Great” achieve it easily by being knowledgeable and humble.
Examples of “Giver” and “Taker” behavioural spectrum in business:
“Giver” end of spectrum
Soft on prices, gives away value
Sets soft goals or sets none at all
Accepts excuses for non achievement
Often gives away valuable information
Often recruits based on gut instinct, as feels that don’t feel the need for a process
Follows rules and processes
Shies away from measurement/KPI’s as too specific and could involve being assertive
Comes in early and works late
Comes up with ideas but does not have the confidence to take the credit
Has a tendency to be quiet in meetings
Follows
Does not stand up for their opinion as much as they should
Says sorry a lot
Talks to team members
Takes on too much and has a full plate
“Taker” end of spectrum
Tough negotiator, does not bend
Very task focused
No room to manoeuvre
Thinks information is their right to have
Asks tough questions at interviews, follows rules and processes
Creates tough KPI’s and gets them
Arrival is a moving feast and if late always has a really good excuse
Uses other people’s ideas and takes the credit
Likes to be the centre of attention
Takes control
Their loudness is seen as a stamp of knowledge and authority
Believes they are correct even when wrong
Knows it all, even when they don’t
Has limited capacity, even when slack
©William Barron
Coaching Insight
September 6th 2008
william@creatinginsight.co.uk
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