21 March 2008
By-passing filters, getting round boundaries, clearing fences, breaking down barriers …and all we are doing is talking…
Occasionally I watch the new breed of detective programmes like CSI and Unsuspected Evidence because they concentrate on hard forensic evidence and the psychological drivers of the guilty party. What amazes me about the other types of “whodunit” programmes like The Bill and Inspector Morse, is the amount the detectives believe what eye witnesses say they saw. I realise it is television but I wonder how people are able to remember so much detail from fleeting glimpses or snatches of conversation.
Probably like most of you I spend time with people every day, discussing a whole range of subjects. During the meetings I am constantly surprised by the different interpretations that people put on what was said, except that I know all about the filters, boundaries and fences processes that are going on. The thing is that others don’t know what is going on and are oblivious to some of the many obvious barriers there are to good communication. The thing is that every one of us hears things differently, filters them differently and finally translates what we hear in different ways. I was the same until it was pointed out to me that the challenge we all have is to remember this at all times when communicating (transmitting) any message. This challenge is often bad enough on a one-to-one basis but it is made more difficult when dealing with a crowd of people.
What I have learnt over the years is the following that will help when you don’t seem to be getting through...
Differences in Perception
Everyone of us views the world in different ways based on past experience, upbringing, age, nationality, culture, education, occupation, sex and status. Individual perceptions of everything in the world means that words, actions and behaviours are interpreted in different ways. These differences can often be at the root of many communication difficulties. Just the instant emotional feedback if somebody mentions the word “emotion” could involve filters that involve warmth – love – hate – lack of – cold – control – parents – partner – children - hijack – tears – longing and we don’t know what is going on in the mind of the person(s) listening.
How each of us see, hear and feel information in our minds
Although maybe we don’t know it, we all have different ways that we receive, translate and store information. For the technical amongst us it is often referred to as Representational Systems, which talk about our five senses – auditive, visual, kinaesthetic (feeling and sensing) and audio digital (thinking and listening). The result is that each of these types can mean hugely different things to the unwary, as they all have their own language and use of words. So if you are a visual person you will use “seeing” type words and prefer people to use “seeing” words. If as a visual you are talking to an auditive person, who will automatically be using “listening” words, they won’t quite click with you as much as if you were chatting to a “visual” person.
Jumping to Conclusions
There are five basic differences to what has been said or written for the person who is transmitting and the person who is receiving the communication. People see, hear or feel what: -
- they want to see, hear or feel,
- they expect to see, hear or feel,
- they think they saw, heard or felt,
- they actually saw, heard or heard
- their brain tells them they have seen, heard or felt.
This is often in direct contrast to what has been transmitted. These situations depend upon the amount of listening that the person (the “receiver”) is doing at the time of contact.
Unfortunately we aren’t always listening or seeing with 100% concentration, even though we might think we are. The lack of concentration results in people “jumping to conclusions” based on what they think they saw or heard, or completing the sentence with their own words or thoughts, which can be totally different from what was said or written.
Stereotyping
Most people learn from their own experiences and run the risk of treating different people as if they were the same i.e. if you’ve met one second hand car salesman/double glazing salesman/shop steward/doctor/accountant/teacher you’ve met them all. The problem is that in order to get the messages out over and above standard stereotype one first needs to break the mould. Once broken away from the stereotype one can start to get the message out.
Lack of Knowledge
Communication is always difficult if the person “transmitting” the message and the people who are receiving the message have a different knowledge background, some with a lot mixed in with those with a little. The problem therefore is where to start and the communicator needs to be aware of the discrepancies and take them into account. It is really important not to assume the same levels, because even those people who have driving licenses don’t know the Highway Code to the same depth, even though we should all know it equally well!
Lack of Interest
The levels of concentration, which are directly related to the quality of reception of the information, are linked almost exclusively to the level of interest created by the communicator in the subject being discussed. It is very easy to believe that their interest is the same as ours, when undoubtedly it won’t be. They might be there under duress, suffering from being unwell or in low spirits, things that you will never know. It is therefore crucial for the communicator to raise the “bar” and appeal to the person’s curiousity and needs in a way that is interesting.
Different levels of Self-Expression
The ability to express ourselves even on a one-to-one basis is hard enough but even worse on a group basis. This aspect of communication is obviously very important and can be improved by increasing one’s vocabulary with reading and with careful planning of the presentation. It is also necessary to understand the vocabulary level on the side of the audience i.e. do not use long difficult words or long/complex sentences.
Emotions
Emotions can totally change the interaction and the way communication is received. Any strong emotion will result in only the emotion being transmitted with no information. Some emotion is needed like energy, enthusiasm, vitality and commitment. These are all aspects of a positive attitude but if there are traces of negative energy like anger, depression, frustration, hurt then probably it is better to leave the information giving to another time.
Personality
The personalities of the other people can have a profound effect on the way communication is given and received. One only has to remember school teachers, headmasters, bullies, people in authority and intimidating looks to see people literally shrivel and dry up. So it is really important to either match the personalities present or not be there in the first place. I was at the doctor’s the other day and immediately had an emotional hijack of feeling like I was back in the study of one of my old schoolteachers. Recognising what was happening, I changed my feeling state so that I would communicate as an “adult” adult rather than as a “child” adult.
Location
Some locations are better than others for presentations and communicating to others. Even simple changes to layout of the room, more or even fewer lights, change of temperature, more space to move around in, or less background noise (turning off the distracting air conditioner/loudspeaker) can make a big difference to the way you as the presenter and the receivers feel.
Jargon/Gobbledygook
We have all experienced the person who seems to speak in forked tongues or another language. The worst are the technical/doctors/accountants/computer people of this world, although all sectors of industry and commerce seem to have their own language. Try and keep the jargon out but if it is needed give some translation as you are going along. There is nothing worse that to start off interested and then to gradually switch off, as the words become stranger and stranger. The best thing is to keep it simple and follow the six “C’s”.
Clear - Concise – Courteous – Constructive – Correct – Complete.
William Barron
Creating Insight
william@creatinginsight.co.uk
March 21st 2008
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